Final Frenzy

Since I am still a college student my current timeline of life is based on semesters. Did you ever start off a semester with a whole list of things you really wanted to accomplish? Thpse teensy expectations that feel sooo important at the start of a new year that just have to happen? Work out regularly, don't let your homework pile up too high, eat right, sit up straight, take a shower everyday (ok, the last one I do accomplish), have your whole wedding planned in 2 months and make 200 bibs for an orphanage in Africa while you're at it. Ever look back at the beginning and laugh at yourself for thinking you had total control of it? Yeah, me neither.


As Friday nears closer and closer, I find myself in a bittersweet place. I am overjoyed beyond belief that this ridiculous semester is over. Yes, ridiculous. I have never felt so exhausted and so relieved to leave the premises of an educational institution for a few months. For four months, I desperately asked God several times, "Just what are You doing God?" Many times in frustration, I'd just throw up my hands and say, "I give! I don't know what You want and I sure as heck don't know what to do about this mess." Needless to say, I put my foot in mouth several times, I failed, I pushed and tugged, I was stubborn, shut out and frustrated. I would get forward with 5 steps and fall ten steps back. Yes, in the least amount of words, Spring 2011 college semester pretty much won the battle. However, April closed with a huge lesson on grace. May has come with an even better lesson on faith.

God knows what He is doing. To think that I can manage anything on my own without His help is laughable to me now. I don't reccommend starting off a year with a "list." Because those expectations will fall short of what God has envisioned for you for that time. I never imagined the past four months to go the way they did, and while I'm thankful they are behind me, I'm also thankful that they happened. He knows what He is doing, even when I don't.

I've learned that even the tiniest bit of control I try to have in my life leads to destruction. Opening my hands and letting it go...