Tossed by the wind.

It's been quite a while since I've really wanted to write anything down. With the spring semester in full swing it has been hard to even describe what this season is bringing me.( Heads up, I'm going to be using that word ALOT today.) I like to assume that once new years come around, everything is supposed to start off fresh, beautifully, freely and full exciting passion for Christ with unwavering faith. And while this may be the case for a lot of you readers, this yeah hasn't started off quite like I expected it to...(no worries, it's going to get a lot better...:)

I quietly refer to the book of James as my safety net of the Bible. There's something about the book of James that just grips my mind with a fierce intensity. Some passages just have power. Over the past year I've gotten to watch God do some pretty miraculous things in my life. I am so grateful for what I have learned, what I have been given and what has been shown to me. So naturally, on this spiritual high and full of many blessings I expected this year to start off in the exact same way! More, more, more of Jesus and less of the world. Less of me. Less of....life?

My misconception has backfired recently. Sometimes God plans seasons for our lives, just like we see around us. Beautiful, autumn leaves fall in harmony with His reigning peace, summer brings about a sense of freedom and pure joy, and then you see winter. Winter becomes cold but beautiful. It takes away the leaves and the grass dies. Color seems to be stripped of the world for awhile but still it is beautiful in a mystical, sometimes dreary way. Then spring comes. Things begin to bloom, color finds it's way back into the soil and into the sky. It's breathtaking to watch everything become new.

But...
I am still in winter.

One of the most challenging things about having these seasons in life is that we have a tendency to throw complete fits when we find ourselves in "winters" for long periods of time. I'll just go ahead and list what my winter consists of: worry, inconsistency, doubt, learning to completely surrender, humility, grace and learning how to let my passion burn endlessly without letting it burn out so quickly. Yes, I'm dressed for a full blizzard still... God has shown me so many things in my own life and given me so many things to place in His hands...and only He knows why. I don't consider this season one that is of suffering, but it has definitely become a time of real reflection and faith.

Spiritual Maturity= seasons of full dependance on God.

And I love, love, love this. He knows that he has to remind his sometimes overly passionate, "I want to save the world and I will do it" daughter in her walk of faith that she still desperately needs to cling to Him. She needs Him. And that is what He is doing. Less of me, more of Him.

In chapter 1 of the book of James, James himself says this,
"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind" (1:1-6).

Reading that this afternoon has brought a huge sigh of relief to my soul. Although it doesn't change this season and although I can feel the icy bits still tearing at my face, blinding me as to which way I should go, I am in awe of my God. His seasons are each lovely in their own way and I have come to appreciate them all. So I surrender with growing humility. And I let God know that whatever He does in this season, I'm solely His and eternally grateful for what is to come.


Love you guys.